On first contact, please email:



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Agenda and the Basics

Please put `Business' and-or `Legal'(piracy and-or unlawful exploitation and or contractual proposal(s)) or `Social' at least, in the subject heading of any email sent to this registered trade. If seeking remedy for a complaint, please add the word `Complaint' to the subject.

If an individual, please provided your full name (including any middle names). Please accept that the receiver can take no responsibility for any breach of security in the sending of your own email, and that your own name at least, albeit that it may seem unlikely to you, is always *in the view of this receiver*, potentially `at risk', if you send an email which reveals your own name, to anyone, across any network, using any service provider.

If representing a business, please confirm your registered business name including any assigned affix e.g. Limited or PLC, and in the event of no affix, the type of business e.g. partnership or sole trade.

Where business agenda is present, please also specify the area of business best you can, in the subject heading e.g. music scores, application for license, or `invoice' or `Estimated Time of Payment'.

General communications can be processed and responded to more quickly, where the above structure is followed. It's not as if the receiver this end is even `picky' or `pedantic'.

Please note: There is no requirement or need to wear a suit or carry a clip-board, when approaching, unless you insist and for some reason, genuinely wish to go about looking like that. It wouldn't in itself mean you were given priority. The clearer the contact, the easier it is to provide a timely, focused response.

Reporting Piracy and-or Unlawful Exploitation and Applying for Rewards

Piracy related information `tip offs' should not include any person data (only outline of the activity) within the email, to avoid any risk from any third party, of accusing the informant of typed defamation (libel) or oral defamation (slander).

Information about the people carrying out piracy of copyright works relating to the projects referenced through this web site, can be offered within the body of the email, and reward applied for if the informant is not themselves part of -and has not themselves initiated or encouraged- the piracy, so reward can be considered if the information provided is new and transpires to be true, and the thieves are brought to justice, leading to compensation for the registered trade behind this web site.

Piracy can include whole or part and-or `mutilated'(re-ordered and `cut') works.

Information about the year 2003 forgery is also welcome on-going, together with information about any further unlawful exploitation of the registered trade and persons behind this web site. It may have now reached Americans and been furthered by them. No assistance was received on request, from British police.

Complaining: Overview

If seeking Rectification(including replacement) or Refund under trading laws, please decide first which type of commercial agreement you entered into. It may in some cases be both. Here are some examples of what people might complain or `go ape' about. If involving a purchase, please think carefully first respect of your receipt, about who you purchased from, before sending any `ranting', `fuming' letters via email to this dot com.

For example, are you first sure that the service and / or product was sold to you direct by this registered trade or were you supplied by say, a third party wholesale or retail distributor or a little shop somewhere trying to sell on 2nd hand goods `knocked up' in someone's bedroom or the back of a van? Another example: Did a bloke on a patio offer to sell them to you whilst you were both in a hotel or bedroom? This has happened before in 2002. Are you sure you were legally present on any such patio? Sensible enquiries are welcome if claiming you purchased direct from this registered trade. A receipt is a good first step, or detail of an electronic transaction for cross-reference purposes.

  • Seeking remedy for PRODUCT defect(s) and / or objecting morally to the content.
  • Seeking remedy for SERVICE defect(s).
  • Seeking attention for no product/service related reason, because I have become camp as people sometimes are, outside of accepted fictional boundaries, jest or legal investigation with the sole aim of politically and / or financially furthering myself at all costs and / or due to sexual frustration or pent up feelings which I want to express in an intimate relationship but which hasn't happened yet and I'm going to blame you instead...

    Complaining About Product(s)

    (1) Read and understand the following terms/conditions:-

  • (a) The customer will NOT please return a product if they have been negligent with it or bought it from a clear description for a reasonable price and then copied/pirated it for example, or just let their pet dog widdle all over it, or allowed someone to try to eat it, or listened to it and decided that they don't want it after `consuming' it that way and then just wanting to buy something else after with returned money. The reasonable price of product(s) on this site and the accompanying descriptions and sample excerpts means `returns' would be more hassle than they're worth to have to attend to.
  • (b) The manufacturer has a `duty of care' to the product supplier also, so if there was any major general fault, Exploding Gnomes' too, would be able to get its money back. So genuine odd faulty product(s) e.g. discs, are not a problem in so far that a genuine faulty product would need to be replaced and so in the case of a disc, rectified at the same time.
  • (c) In the case of a disc, the customer will return any defective product purchased direct from Exploding Gnomes', within 14 working days (exclude weekends) of purchase, the exception being if the postal system can be shown to be defective OR where the supplier Exploding Gnomes' is obviously found to have made an error in issuing a different product (which could perhaps occasionally happen with most suppliers of most products).
  • (d) The Work Requirements form is used with any returns. This allows a clear handwritten address and postcode (in case an illegal item not sold this end, is received and needs redirection to police), seeking one of the Three R's: either `Rectification' of a fault, `Replacement' of a product or `Refund' of money paid for a returning product. Exploding Gnomes' will not accept through this agreement over purchase, liability for the customer sending an illegal product and claiming it came from Gnomes', when it didn't. `Replacement' should be sought as remedy in the WHAT section of the form.
  • (e) Postal orders which do not reach the supplier of the ordered product and / or service, are not the responsibility of the supplier, which takes no responsibility for loss in the post of an order form. The customer is advised to note down the unique code of their postal order, non-inclusion of which on the order form, would result in the order not being processed.
  • (2) Download the Work Requirements Form.

    Complaining About Service(s)

    If unsure of what service you consider has not been provided correctly or in any way fit for purpose, please consult your local advice centre (including any funded previously by some of the people associated with works relating to this site) or your local tax-funded Trading Standards office. You may receive the assistance you pay for through your tax, and if not the Ombudsman's service is something you may wish to contact, seeking assistance and direction. Any `service' will relate to an agreement. Please make reference to the agreement between yourself and this registered trade. All financial tax concerns relating to any third party supplier of any service, is something you may direct to HM Revenue.

    If anyone considers the above Contact direction unfair or unreasonable or in any way, genuinely unclear, please make contact and concisely make reference to the paragraph and sentence by quotation, before asking a question. If there's an error herein, effort will be made to put it right as soon as possible.

    End of document.